Announcement

HEy guys, this going to be a short post really. So here is everything I have to say......I made the World Juniors Team for the USA. Thats it. Later.

Two totally seperate things...

Ineffective. I think that this sums up my day fairly well. I guess I shouldn't be so negative, and my anonymous poster has definatly given me something to chew upon. I worry a lot. I don't know how many people know that. I worry the most about my friends and the people I care about. I worry that I have not been a good enough friend to Aubri, especially after anonymous. I worry that I don't do enough during school and I worry that my middle schoolers don't have fun. I know most people would say that this is completly silly, but many of them have expressed a feeling of negitivity and I feel as if some of them are on the verge of quitting. I wish that they would talk to me... Maybe they will...

So everyone I talk to seems to ask me what a kastovian writer is. Pretty much I am writing this story and the characters are all from Kastova. I writer the story so I am a kastovian writer. Here is a clippit a of the story (in the middle I might add)
Alex stood back out of breath, staring at her latest partner. It was an extremely odd day in weapons class, not only did they pick their partners, but they were also doing knife fighting. Alex still stared at her partner remembering the attacks and counters she had thrown. The powdered dye on the covered edges of the knifes showed the hits that you made to your partner and visa versa. Alex's knife had been covered in a purple maroon and her partner had a good many marks along his abdomen and chest. Looking down at herself Alex noticed a long bit of color across her right shoulder.
"I got you good," Calder told her, smiling a bit to himself.
"True but I got you good, too," Smiling, in spite of herself. "Good fight."
"You too," He returned before they quickly bowed out. They were in groups of six, three pairs. They were switching after each fight, fighting each other once each. Alex looked on to her next partner, Zeke, who had just got done with Onan. Looking worse for ware, Zeke walked over. Onan's green dye was smeared all over the front of his tunic. Alex hid a smile and nimbly stepped back into fighting stance. Zeke eyed her wearily before doing the same. Garin called out for them to begin and they were off.
Zeke took the lead and began to circle. Alex followed suit looking for his weak point. Zeke lunged, heading towards Alex's middle, blade aimed to make contact with the point. Alex side stepped it at the last second and came across Zeke's chest leaving a purple streak. Zeke didn't wait to come back, he tried multiple higher fashioned moves that worked well, but his basics lacked power and accuracy. They went on like that for a while. Zeke getting her every so often with a complicated move, while missing her on his basics, while Alex weeded her way in with almost basics alone. When Garin gave the command to halt, they both immediately took a step backwards.
Zeke had a good streak of purple across his chest from the first hit and some smaller pointed dots in a wider array of area. Alex had on herself a few point marks on her abdomen and yet another long streak of color across her right shoulder.
"Good job, but your basics need work," Alex told her friend.
"Thanks," He responded through gritted teeth. "Your complicated passes are no better than a street thieves."
He walked away, and Alex regretted what she had said, she was always forgetting that he hated being corrected. She gave a loud sigh as her next partner came up.
"Everything okay?" Dargo asked Alex.
"Yes, just forgetful today," She told Dargo as her eyes followed Zeke. Dargo nodded with sympathy, but Garin's voice echoed across the practice yard before their conversation could be complete. They both stepped back into the ready stance, eyeing each other carefully. The height was different than Alex's last two fights and she would have to take that into account. As Garin's bellow of start resounded, everyone locked knifes.
Dargo wasted no time, heading at Alex in the exact way a bigger person might, trying to hold her to the ground. Alex realizing the tactic almost instantly, slipped away. Dargo turned and studied her for a brief second before going in again. He tried many of the key concepts and basics, more to test her than to score. She responded fairly quickly, but he noticed her weak point. Her right shoulder. He battered at her right arm, and then quickly changed to the left. He wore himself out almost as fast as he wore Alex out. It was a back and forth battle, neither one scoring much. The knifes flickered back and forth, giving of small glints of their bladed silver. Alex had earned a good mark against Dargo when he was still testing her, leaving a streak of purple across the left side of his abdomen. Alex had been unmarked for the entire fight, when in the last few moments; Dargo got a long streak of his blue across her right shoulder without much effort. After that it was a matter of moments before Garin called the fight. Taking a step back as was customary Dargo and Alex looked at each other. Dargo had a small smirk on his face while Alex's eyes clearly showed shock.
"Watch that shoulder," Dargo said, nodding to her right. "It is your weak spot, and not a good place to have one either."
"Thanks," Alex replied. Unsure of what to say, she closed her mouth and Dargo walked over to Zeke. Onan was next up for Alex and he walked over quickly, having just finished with Calder. He smiled down at Alex, but Alex was lost in thought.
"Alex," Onan said. Still there was no response behind Alex's daring blue eyes. Onan cleared his throat and leaned closer to Alex's ear. "Princess Alex." Alex shook herself awake quickly. She stared in horror, sure that someone would now turn her in, but all she saw in front of her was Onan's smiling face.
"Sorry," Alex replied.
"Good fight, right?" Onan asked.
"Yes," Alex responded. She gave a weak smile as Garin called them to the ready position. As Onan and Alex stepped back into the ready stance, they eyed each other carefully. Neither one had fought each other in the five months they had been here in any weapon. Unsure of what to be prepared for, they watched each other closer than anyone else. As Garin gave the command to commence, they were both off. Onan was using brute force and his size to throw Alex back, knowing that her five foot one frame didn't have the strength that his six foot one did. Alex on the other hand worked on agility. She attempted to slide in and out, weaving around Onan's bulkier frame, but that was not working to well. Onan attacked Alex with a series of blows that she barely had time to think about to block. Once done, Alex returned with quick moving strikes as well. They went back and forth the whole time neither one getting much ground. Alex got Onan across the abdomen with both the side of the blade and the point, but could get no higher. Onan on the other hand, worked his point in to a couple of different marks on Alex's chest, and like everyone else a side edged swipe to her right shoulder. As they battled back and forth, each getting more exhausted, they began to get sloppy but neither one gave up. Just as both were about to collapse, Garin called to a halt. Both Onan and Alex stepped away from each other, panting.
"Really excellent job," Alex gasped out, still trying to catch her breath.
"You too," Onan replied after a few seconds. "You’re amazing."
Both had finally caught their breath enough to stand up and looked up to see their marksmanship. Noticing where they hit on each other they laughed.
"I guess being short has some advantages," Alex said, smiling.
"And so does being tall," Onan returned.
Alex watched as Onan walked away. Onan and Calder were on Alex's right while Zeke and Dargo were on her left. Both pairs looked wearily at her partner. Turning back around Alex took a good look at her new partner, Bade. He stared down at Alex giving her a malicious look over. He noticed the streaks of green, blue, yellow, and black on her right shoulder and gave her a look that Alex didn't even want to try and understand. Garin called for position too soon, in Alex's opinion, as she stepped back. Bade quickly turned around and dropped something on the ground at this time and kicked it away, but Alex was too tired to notice. All at once Garin's voice rang out for the last match.
Bade attacked Alex so fiercely she barely had time to bring her knife up. She dodged as Bade attacked her again and again. His eyes held an insane passion that seemed to only come on when he fought her. She tried every move that she could think of with no success. Bade beat at her with no mercy. Out of nowhere Bade's hilt of the knife came into contact with Alex's right temple, which was off limits. Alex began to feel light headed and dizzy very quickly. She fell to her knees unable to get up or block when she noticed what Bade had dropped, it had been his knife sheath. His knife was coming down quickly, it plunged so-what deeply into her right shoulder, spilling red blood on the ground. Alex's head dropped as the muscles were cut coming closer and closer to her exposed neck. Wanting to go out with dignity she made no sound, but her body would not her allow her the dignity she wanted. Just before Bade's knife came in for the fatal cut, she blacked out.

I also write poet and just felt like sharing...
The Year’s Demand
Summer shines like sailing ships,
Autumn comes in lazy times,
Winter blows her freezing lips,
Spring erases all the lines.

Dreaming of a silent breeze,
Hoping for the green of trees,
Looking for summers seize,
Wishing for some silent leas.

Not is all as we believe,
Things are not always to appease,
None the less, we will achieve,
Finding ways with long lost keys.

Sorry that was a super long post, hope you'll read it.

Thoughts and ideas...

Hmm, what a long day. I can't believe how everything has passed, mostly in a haze at that. I feel a little outside of my body today. I watch from this edge, begging to be pulled in yet pulled back. I have seen so much today, this week, this month this year. I guess most of you (if anyone reads this) know most of my life stories. I feel drug out, like my life is not how it is or should be. Most days I want to quit, really quit. No more frisbee, no more middle schoolers, no more science, math, econ or band. No more anything. I feel as if I were to fall into the clouds I would finally feel the peace surrounding my harsh exterior. I feel lost in this crazy sea.
Not to mention I miss my Dad. A lot. There are times that I feel like he is right there, encouraging, yet bitter at my lack of intelligent competition (too bad he didn't meet all the frisbee guys, pure genius if you ask me) I feel his gentle touch near at hand and I know that I can't ever forget him. I listen to songs that I used to love, used to sing in imaginary scenes of my mind, crying because I can't hold him. There are even those nights were I can't go to sleep, the image of his peaceful body laid in his coffin. Gone, never again. But he went peacefully, right? So why aren't I at peace? I dance of a thin blade, pleading for a gift a sign. Lost, ohh so lost.
Not all is lost however. I find that I do have friends, however far in between they may be. I know I have a supporting arm, if I were ever to be desperate and need to cling to someone else. I know that if I ever lose my composure that hides my inner weakness, I will survive, even if I am embarrassed. I also am somewhat comforted by the fact that Aubri continues to light upon a new destiny and place on the CHS frisbee team. She has worked so hard and landed with a gentle touch as the number one woman in Oregon if not the West Coast. I know most people disbelieve me as I type this. I know that I am often thought of as the best woman but that is not the truth. Collin has seen that, I believe Andrew is in denial, and Daniel won't let himself admit it because he is just too nice. Aubri is so amazing and her potential carries through everywhere. Where I break at the seems, she takes harder classes, more extra things and less hours of sleep and does better. I know I sound happy for her, but deep down, I am super jealous. She is awesome.
I guess this is kind of a long post. But I must committ what I feel to words. I must promise myself that I will think more positive, quit bragging and leave myself written reminders that while I feel like I am being sucked down a cyclone right now that the eye of the storm is the safest. Not only that but if I trust in my faith and friends I will be delieved in the end. I might be a bit more bruised and scratched, but I will be okay. Well better go.
Autumn